Solo por ti...

Nobody Really Loves me

2007-09-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

I picked up my backpack and walked down the boat ramp to the village of Pinagbayanan! The warm water splashed into me as I was greeted by several of the students that I had met and become friends with before. We walked down the path between the flowers and fences together and I noticed that only a few things had changed. It was good to be back!
The remainder of the morning I spent unpacking and arranging my things while visiting with the children. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and I sought out Mercy-the only one of the missionaries I had known before that was left.
We talked for a little bit and then I spit out my question. "Ma'am Mercy, where are my students?" I hadn't seen a single one of them since I had gotten there!
She looked at the ground and shuffled the sand with her shoes and I knew something was wrong.
"What's wrong? Where are they?" I asked again.
Slowly she looked up and said "I don't really know, Jennessa. They just disappeared one by one over the last couple of years."
That evening I searched everywhere. I went to every house in the village and asked if anyone had any idea where they were. Some mentioned Batangas and others Manila, but most of the time they only shook their heads sadly and said "Hindi ko alam, ma'am."

Early the next morning I packed my backpack and took a boat to Mamburao and from there I took a van to the ferry and I made my way to Manila. I arrived there mid-afternoon and began to walk the streets of Manila in search of my students.
It was so hot the sweat poured off of me. The sounds of the traffic and voices of the rich and the poor mingled in my ears. I passed by so many beggars and so many poor selling their few things from the carts that also served as their houses, but didn't find my students.

At last I saw him, sitting on the edge of the side walk with a basket of things to sell. I crossed the traffic as soon as I could and walked over to where he was. Like all the other poor, he didn't look up. I sat down beside him and said "Nonoy, Zebede!" and he looked up. His face filled with mixed emotions and then in shame he looked away. I said his name again and he turned his eyes to me.
"Nonoy, why are you here?" I asked.
He looked at his toes and said shyly "Because...nobody really loves me, ma'am."
We talked a while and I asked him if he knew where his classmates where. He stood to his feet and said "Follow me." so I did.

We wound our way through the maze of man, vehicles, dogs and tables of wares until we came to one of the saddest spots of any city-the place where poor, young girls, desperate to make enough money to survive, sell themselves. I looked at the faces of the few waiting there and one in particular stood out too me. She was so young and beautiful, and suddenly through those dark brown, pain-filled eyes shot a look of recognition.
"Ma'am-oh ma'am! You're here now again!" She ran to me, threw her arms around me and held on, crying.
"Angel! I've missed you so much! Why are you here, little sister?" I could hardly believe it was true.
Through her tears she answered "Because, ma'am. Nobody really loves me."

We walked on and on until we came to an even dumpier, dirtier part of Manila. Angel and I followed Nonoy over the filth until we came to a small bar. Nonoy walked right in, and I followed. There, in a dark, smokey corner on the left I saw a boy-his head resting on his knees-and I knew him. I put my hand on his shoulder and said his name softly. He looked at me through cloudy eyes and then grasped my arm and held it tightly. "Ma'am...I...."
"Angelito!" I said again, "Why are you here?"
"Because..." he paused.
"Dahil sa ano?" I said.
"Because nobody really loves me, ma'am."

Again we found ourselves on the street, making our way along it. The darkness was falling quickly as we walked from street to street. Suddenly, out of the shadows came a small, ragged form. His scrawny hand stretched out in front of my face and I thought to look away. I knew if I gave one beggar money thirty more could appear out of the darkness to ask of me, and I didn't have enough money or enough time for them all. But just before I looked away he said "Ma'am...I'm so very hungry, ma'am!" and I looked into those eyes and realized that he wasn't a stranger.
Waren! Of all the boys in the village I knew he would become something great! He had a will for right and a fight for success! It was almost like he was my own little boy....and here he was, on the streets of Manila-begging!
I reached down into my pocket and pulled out some money but before handing it to him I said "Waren!" and he looked up into my face. "Ma'am! ! Ma'am I prayed always for you but you never come back..."
"Waren, why are you here?" I questioned, and his eyes dropped to the ground.
"Because....nobody really loves me..."

And again we walked the dirty streets...we searched here and there, but in the darkness it was almost impossible to find anyone!
I knew I could never live with myself, even if I had 4 out of 5 of my students! I had to find my one, last, missing treasure.
Just as it seemed like all hope was gone and I'd have to continue looking tomorrow or.....or give up....give up and have an empty spot-a hole just the size for him to fit in-left in my heart, we walked toward the rows of bikes waiting to take the last passengers for the night. They all called out to us, wanting our business, and then one rough looking young man walked toward me and stood face to face with me. I felt a little bit of apprehension because of his behavior, but then he said softly, "Ma'am....You remember me-Japeth-your kuya?" and now I had to make myself believe that the boy behind this rough exterior was my gentle, tender hearted, fun loving oldest boy-Shem! I started to cry and he said "Ma'am! Don't cry ma'am!! Why do you cry now?"
" Kuya Shem, why, why are you here?!"
And I heard those words again-"Because Ma'am, nobody really loves me."

I turned to look at them in the light of a nearby building...the faces of those hurting kids that no body really loved...for one last time. If I had known they were the drunkards, the beggars, the prostitutes and the man barely making a living by driving his bike-if only I had known!-I would've never passed a beggar by-the ones who are there because nobody really loves them...and here I was, proving it true every time I said 'no' and walked away...

And I awoke.

Lesson from Spiders

2007-01-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

Written August, 2004.
Not to many days ago, we decided it was time to re-paint our porches. We have to do this once a year because shoveling snow so many times in the winter really scratches up and takes allot of paint off of the boards.
I was assigned the job of painting the back porch. I got the broom and swept all the dirt off, and then I pulled out the hose and began to spray the boards and railing.
Up here we have a certain type of spider that we call garden spiders. That's not their real, official name, but for some reason we call them that. Now these gardens spiders are some of our best friends-seriously-they're nice spiders. They might be big but they don't bite you if you're nice to them. Anyway, because they're so nice I don't like to kill them or chase them away, so there were lots and lots of spiders and webs all around that back porch. Since I knew the paint would kill them I tried spraying them down out of their webs so they'd run away long enough for the deck to dry and for me to paint it, but when I sprayed them they clung to their webs stubbornly, refusing to give up their nests. I tried to reason with them, which of course doesn't work between spiders and humans. I finally had to hand pick many of them and toss them away from the porch so they'd be saved, but by the time I got one side of the porch, the spiders from the other side were already climbing back up and crawling into their little coves or building new webs. I tried spraying the water on a higher power. Those spiders still hung on and it was quite a while before they'd go sailing from their nests, only to return. Finally I just sprayed as many as I could and decided the spiders that were so stubborn would just have to be that way, and hopefully when I'd start painting they'd run away. For some spiders, when they realized what woe was coming to them, after I began painting close to their webs, would quickly paratroop away, but others continued to stubbornly stay.
Is there something in this world that you're holding on to? Some sin, that seems to you, like you could never give up? Whatever sin or worldly thing you're stubbornly clinging to is really not worth it. Don't be like the spider, afraid to let go of something that is soon to perish, and by doing so, loose your own soul. Think of the spider and the lesson. Just like I knew what would happen if the spiders stayed in their comfortable homes and tried to rescue them, the Lord knows that if you stay one with the world, and hold on to the 'comforts' and 'pleasures' this world has to offer, you will have to meet with destruction in the end. Don't wait until the last moment. Heaven is cheap enough! Just think of the joy of seeing your redeemer face to face! Will you trade temporary things that don't give lasting pleasure for eternal bliss and happiness with the Savior?

Do you believe in God?

2007-01-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

Do you believe in God, or are you at times a Christian Atheist?
Sadly, that's what the majority of Christians are today. The lack of leadership, the lack of men and women willing to stand, the lack of faith, the lack of Spiritualness-in the Church-gives it all away.
We don't really believe that God can change our wrong habits and desires, so we think that He'll accept us, just as we are.
Now wait a second, I thought the Bible said that anyone who comes to Jesus will be accepted by Him! Right. But there's a principle missing in the general belief about that. "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to keep you that way."
I think that the main problem with how our churches are today has to do with a lack of that principle. We think that no matter what we do we'll still make it to heaven. Just believe.
What takes the most belief is not to believe that Jesus accepts us, but to believe that He can and that He will change us, if we but ask Him, believing that He will!
The Bible says "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."
Matthew 4:48
For some reason the thought that we have to be perfect scares many of us. Why? Because we don't believe that we can. We're Christian Atheists. We don't believe that God can change us.
It's not a wonder our youth are headed where they are! We're telling them they can't be perfect, they're going to fail no matter how hard they try. We've lost our trust, our belief, that God can truly do anything. We owe an apology to the world: an apology for saying we're Christians, when we're not. When they look at us they're saying "You're actions are speaking so loudly, I can't hear a word you're saying." and it's true. We don't believe in God. If we believed in God we wouldn't be afraid to take stands. We wouldn't be afraid to hold that standard high above the world. We wouldn't be afraid of what other people think of us, or what happens to our reputation, because we'd believe that God can take care of everything, down to the littlest detail.
We're making our next generation a generation of Christian atheists-because we're people who say that God exists with our mouths, but with our lives we're telling the world that there is no heaven, there is no God...you can't be perfect, you can't obey.
We're afraid to do what God asks us, because it might be too hard, but when God asks you to do something, within the very asking He imparts power. He doesn't just tell you "Go." He says "Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth and teach thee what thou shalt say." Exodus 4:12
Do you believe that He will be with you? Do you believe that He can take care of you, no matter where you go, if you're going there for Him? Do you believe in God?

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. "
Jude 1:25

Joy

2007-01-21T20:07:00.000-08:00

Happiness-it is the one thing that is constantly being sought for. The whole world is in search of one thing in particular. That one thing is happiness. It seems like after all these years of searching we'd see the whole world happy, right? No. Now why is that? It is because happiness is fleeting. It all depends on our surroundings-what is going on around us. Joy is different. Joy comes from God. Now if joy comes from God, why are so many Christians depressed and unhappy? There are several reasons: I think the number one reason for our lack of joy in the world today is selfishness. Even Christians struggle with this. The world is always telling us, everywhere we look we see it: The only way to be happy & have joy is to make ourselves happy, but as Christians we need to realize that in order to be truly happy and to have real joy, we need to understand the source of joy. So, the all important question: What is the source of joy? Christ! When a person is living for Christ, His service is their greatest joy. Did you catch that? When a person-when you are living for Christ-His service is your greatest joy. I have a couple examples to share with you: Point number 1 is Constant connection with Christ; remembering that He is truly your forever friend, and that He is there for you-always. Whatever hard time you are going through, He is going through it with you. Pray that you will live for Him, that you'll be willing to sacrifice anything and everything for him, and pray for true joy. Psalms 16:11 " Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." We need to remember that trails are just "stepping stones" in this life. They help us grow-help us mature. Think back to when you were learning to write. It was HARD work wasn't it? It was very frustrating! Can still be frustrating sometimes! Sometimes you wondered why you had to learn to write-I mean, what valid reason could anyone come up with that made them think that you needed to know how to write in order to live life? Whoever invented writing was...well-nuts!! But then, you learned how to write your name. You were sooooo happy, you wanted everyone to see that you knew how to write your name! Trails are like that! They're frustrating, but once you allow God to walk with you through them-once you can accept that you don't need to know "why"-and with God's help you climb the mountain, you are so happy! James 1:2 "Count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations. Knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience. The Bible tells us that we are blessed when people hate us and avoid us because of our desicion to follow Christ. Luke 6:23 "Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets." Remember that we are not here to live life for ourselves Remember that the troubles and heartaches of earth are only temporary. Remember that Jesus is coming again to take us home with him. John 16 Jesus was talking to His disciples about how he was to go back to heaven-but how he would return. Verses 19 through 20 read "Now Jesus knew that they were desirous to ask him, and said unto them, Do ye inquire among yourselves of that I said, A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me? Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy." then skipping down to verse 22 "And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you." As Christians, our hope that the Lord is going to return should give us joy that no one can take from us, and also just knowing that we're doing the Lord's work, and trusting that He'll take care of us. There's a story in the Bible that really illustrates this point. You can turn to Acts chapter 16 if you want to read along but I'm just going to paraphrase. Paul and Silas were in this city working for the Lord. They were working miracles in Jesus' name and testifying of God's greatness and the devil always has to stir things up when the Lord's work is being done, so the people of the city got in a big uproar, and Paul & Silas were thrown in prison. They could've been tempted to doubt God then, or at least complain. Something like "Lord, why did you do this to us? We were doing your work!" but I'm sure they remembered how when Jesus was on earth he had said "Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also." So there they were, bound up in prison, but instead of bemoaning their fate, they were praying and praising the Lord! I would say that is a good example of joy that no man can take away. We probably all know the rest of the story, how there was a big earthquake that shook so hard the doors were opened and all the chains of the prisoner's were loosened and how it woke the the keeper of the prison up, of course, it'd be awfully hard to sleep through that. Anyway, the keeper sees that the doors are open and he is about to commit suicide thinking that all his prisoners had escaped when he hears the voice of Paul, shouting out to him "Do thyself no harm: for we are all here." He was amazed-and scared.. Verses 29-34 of chapter 16 say "Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas. And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house.And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed their stripes; and was baptized, he and all his, straightway.And when he had brought them into his house, he set meat before them, and rejoiced, believing in God with all his house." What a testimony we can be if we'll only sacrifice ourselves to do God's will, trust that it is His will, and are content and happy with what he has chosen for us! The second way to have joy is to have that famous attitude of gratitude. Do you deserve all the blessings the Lord has given you? Really, do you even deserve anything He has given? No. But by His grace He has given us so many things we don't deserve just because He loves us. When you are having a hard time, think about all the good things going on. If you can't think of anything, check your pulse. Also, if you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.
(to be continued, someday)

I am my brother's keeper.

2007-01-20T08:50:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of years before the first advent of Christ there was a question asked; "Am I my brother's keeper?" (Genesis 4:9) Think about it.
Are we really free from being our brother's (the people we come in contact with) keeper? No.
While we are not responsible for the decided actions of another, we are responsible for our actions, which may lead them to their actions. For example, when I was baby sitting one day one of the kids I was baby sitting decided that it would be perfectly alright for them to go outside and play with their little brother, even though neither were to be released from the house until they had finished their jobs and especially not by themselves. When at last she convinced him that it would be perfectly alright to go outside and have fun...unfortunately for her, big brother came along. Now big brother happened to know the rules, and alas! Guess who was to blame for both little sister & little brother being outside? Little sister was. Yes, little brother was wrong too, but he was only wrong because of listening to his older sister and thinking that if she said it was alright, it must be alright because he was trusting her judgment of when it was right to go outside and when it was not, being that he was younger.
There are many ways in which I could be held responsible for tempting or brining another into sin. For example, gossip. If I hear a version of a story about someone else and go to a friend and "Hey, did you hear about such and such?" I am tempting them to evil surmising and to just believing what I said and thinking bad of someone else, when I may not even know myself the actual facts about what happened.
Another way I could lead someone into wrong would be by compromising and saying "Well you know, it's not such a big thing...." or "I don't think we should be so stuck up about what we believe..." What I think shouldn't be the thing to base our actions on. We should take our "brother" to the world of God and say "What sayeth the Lord?"
I think that one of the easiest ways to tempt a brother to sin is by flattery. When we flatter someone instead of pointing them to Christ we tempt them to look at themselves and feel self sufficient. We tempt them to take their eyes off of God and put them on themselves. We may not be intentionally doing this, but we need to think about it and guard them against it. Can you imagine how terrible it would be to cause your brother to stumble and never return to Christ?
Now for one of the biggest things to guard against. Tempting a brother to lust. This is especially important for girls to think about. I know for me I love to please and that can lead to trouble. When I care about someone I want to show them that I care and do anything to make them happy. I trust them so I am tempted to take away all boundaries and lay aside all reserve. Remember, its not because I intentionally want to wrong or tempt them to wrong but what it is like is saying "Ok, I care about you, so go stand out in that busy highway and don't get hit!" Sure, I could trust the guy to dodge vehicles for a while, but that's putting him on dangerous ground. It is ok to trust completely, but I am my brother's keeper. If I truly care about them I will do everything in my power to guard them against stumbling. This is a constant struggle but through Christ we can become overcomers.
We need to get over this "but I didn't mean to so it's alright" attitude. No, we didn't mean to, but that is not what counts. We need to mean not to. I didn't mean to slam my sister's fingers in the door, so does that mean that it's ok to go on and act like nothing happened? I mean, she is the one that put her fingers there in the first place, so its her fault, right?!!!! Wrong! Once you have done wrong and see that it is wrong it is your duty to change that. Tell the person you wronged that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness and then watch and pray that you will not repeat your mistake. It may not be easy but think of the effect not saying anything could have on that persons life. Once I slammed my sisters fingers in the door, do you think I kept on being careless and slamming doors shut without looking to see that no one had their hands in the door? No, of course not!!
The Bible says "To him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is sin." It's really important that we understand this. This isn't simply saying that if we do wrong it is sin, it's saying that if we know to do good and we do not do it, that is sin. I think the New Testament story known as the story of the good Samaritan is a great example of this. When you see someone in need of help and pass him by, it is sin. We're told to love our brother and to help him when he is struggling.
I think that so many of us say we're willing to help others. We tell ourselves that if we had been one to pass that poor wounded man in the story of the good Samaritan by we would have turned around and stopped and helped him, yet when we're driving down the street and see someone holding a sign "Will work for food" we lock our doors and nervously wait for the light to turn green. We're afraid to take the risk involved in helping our brother. I myself struggle with this. I believe though, that if we truly desire to help others and lead them to the Lord, He will put his protecting arms around us and give us strength and courage. He doesn't just tell us to help others and put ourselves at risk without promising his protection.
Aside from the tramp on the street, we even have friends who are struggling that we are afraid to reach out to because of what it may involve. We're too busy. Friends, if we're too busy to be doing what God is asking us to do, something is wrong. Remember, our life work is not to make money, own lands, or please ourselves. God has put us Christians here for a purpose and that purpose is to work for others through Him. Everyday hundreds go down to Godless graves, having never heard of a Savior of love, or having never been shown by us how wonderful God really is. Remember, you may be the only Bible some may ever read. Are you willing to take the challenge, to lay aside your selfish desires, and take up Christ's cross and trust that the Lord will give you the strength you need, the grace you need, and will empower you to decide that "I am my brother's keeper"?

As a man thinketh in his heart...

2007-01-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

"The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts. " Proverbs 10:4 Two things stand out here in this verse. The first thing is "Through the pride of his countenance". What does that mean? The Strong's concordance says Countenance:
1) nostril, nose, face
2) anger
Interesting definition there. I'll go with definition #2....so through man's pride (anger is often a result of wounded pride)-through his desire to be right, his high opinion of himself-man will not seek after God. It is one of those self sufficiency problems. You don't feel the need to ask Christ for his guidance in everything.
Now for the part that really stands out. "God is not in all his thoughts." There is one little word that makes a world of difference. The world is "all"-all his thoughts. Christ wants to be & He needs to be the center of our life-the one thing that is always on our mind. If Christ is always there in our thoughts and we are thinking "What would the Lord have me do?" We will be seeking after the Lord. There is no way that pride can take over when we have the Lord in control. It is when we let go of Christ that we allow those wrong thoughts and pride to gain control, and then we are no longer seeking after God, but after ourselves, our "countenance."
"Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established." Proverbs 16:3 Isn't it interesting that is says that when our works are right, our thoughts will be "established"? The first thing that came to my mind when I read that text is "But I thought thoughts produced actions!" so I looked up the word "established" and this is what I found: 1) to be set up, be established, be fixed a) to be firmly established b) to be established, be stable, be secure, be enduring c) to be fixed, be securely determined 2) to be directed aright, be fixed aright, be steadfast (moral sense) 3) to prepare, be ready 4) to be prepared, be arranged, be settled So to me this verse is saying that when you commit, or may I say, give, dedicated, all your works, everything you do, fully give up everything for God, your thoughts will be directed aright, stedfast. You will be firm in principle, not settled on the shifting sand but upon the true rock, which is Christ.
"And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever." 1 Chron. 28:9 We are called to serve the Lord unreservedly. We are to be willing to have an open mind for him. This verse is calling for us to have pure thoughts. We may often fail but God is there for us and He will accept true repentance of the heart. He knows and understands you more than you yourself can understand. Don't let that word "perfect" catch you up and think "I can't be perfect. Every time I try, I fail." In the Strong's Concordance again, the definition for the "perfect" used in this verse is:
1) complete, safe, peaceful, perfect, whole, full, at peace a) complete 1) full, perfect
2) finished
b) safe, unharmed
c) peace (of covenant of peace, mind)
1) perfect, complete (of keeping covenant relation)
If we have fully surrendered every aspect of our lives to Christ moment by moment, we can be at peace-have a perfect mind. Remember, this isn't something we can do on our own though. We must ask Christ to remind us and prompt us, when temptation comes, to give it to Him and not hold anything back.
Proverbs 23:7 " For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:" I can act like something totally different than I am but that does not make me become the person I am pretending to be.You know it reminds me of a story I recently was forwarded. A man was exploring some sea shore caves one day and was having such a nice time when he came upon a canvas bag laying in a dark corner in one of these caves. He opened the bag up, and inside there were lots and lots of clay balls. This of course made him curious. It was like some people had been having a clay ball fight and someone stuck all thier balls in a bag and left them there and they had dried and hardened! They didn't look like really anything more than that, but he thought it might be fun to see how far out in the ocean he could throw them, so he took them with him and began to walk down the shore throwing the balls as far as he could and watching them splash into the foamy waves. He didn't think about it much until he accidentally dropped one of the clay balls on the rocks and it cracked open and there inside was a beautiful precious stone. He was shocked and excitedly took out his other clay balls and began to crack them open, and inside of each he found more and more treasure. When he had cracked open the last clay ball, the suddenly realization that he had just thrown 50 or 60 of these seemingly worthless clay balls out into the ocean. No longer did it seem to him like he had thrown away "clay balls" but he now thought of it has having thrown away "precious jewels"... The balls looked like clay, just like we can look. But inside there are jewels. That is really what the clay balls were. Precious stone. It is what is on the inside that counts in the end. Do not decieve yourself that if you do all these wonderful things for the Lord you are a Christian. Make sure you're heart is right with God. Obey him in your heart as well as on the outside.
"For the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart." (1Sam 15:7) If you have been struggling with wrong thoughts and think that it's too late to come back to the Lord, or if you are discouraged and think that there is no hope for you to ever be able to change your thoughts, the Bible has good news for you in Isaiah 55: 7. "Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and He will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon." And Psalms 103:8 says "The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy."
It's never too late to ask the Lord for mercy. If you truely repent the Lord will ubudantly pardon and you will have a peace like you have never had before.

I Will Die Free

2007-01-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

I will die free. No matter where I am or what is happening to me when i die, I will be free.
Wait a second! What if I'm a captive, a total slave-prisoner? I'll be a free slave, captive or prisoner!

Why? Because man's bonds, no matter how strong they are, have absolutely no effect on a Christian's freedom.
I am the one who makes the decision of whether or not I will be free; the choice is totally up to me.
I can let circumstances rule me-I can let the emotional results of whatever happens control me-I can give up, dispair, decide that I'll never be happy again-and be a prisoner on the inside and out.
Or I can be a prisoner on the outside-be bound with physical chains-and yet on the inside I can be as free as the wind. My will, my heart, my dreams are things that no man can control-unless I let them.
I'd rather die a prisoner~free, than live a free prisoner!
I've seen people-men and women with great talant, great power-rich in everything the world offers-they have everything that they could ever want; no tells them what to do-yet they're unhappy, restless, sad, depressed. Why?
They're only free on the outside; on the inside they're bound with chains of sin-doubting, disparing prisoners of Satan!

Sometimes us Christians fall asleep at the post-we let the Devil begin to make us prisoners in our hearts. When this happens we have a choice to make: We can let him go ahead and tie us down because "It's too late. I'm too far gone. I'm discouraged." or we can, right then and there, decide: "I will die free!"

"If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." John 8:36

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." Galatians 5:1